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🚨 Welcome to this week’s issue of Generation Xcellent. I’m Stephen Perrine, New York Times bestselling author and former top editor at Men’s Health and Maxim. And like you, I’m doing all I can to survive the moshpit of midlife. Thanks for joining me on the journey! If you like what you see, send me an email—and share this newsletter with another guy who could use our help. (And as always, we’re 100% OI: Organic Intelligence. Written by guys like you, for guys like you.)

📩 Thanks for joining the conversation!

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- SPORTS -

Gen X Sports: 9 Greatest Cinderella Stories

Out-of-nowhere superstars who kept us on the edge of our seats

By Robert Tuchman

- STYLE -

How to Look Your Best—Every Single Day

A man at midlife has more to show off—and more to hide. Here’s how to master the art of dressing well, day after day after day.

By Megan Collins

>You’ve been dressing yourself for half a century or so, and chances are you have a pretty good idea of what to wear when, and a few more resources at your command than you did when you were first fumbling around trying to tie a tie.

But styles have changed a bit with the rise of work-at-home culture, and modern mores may have you feeling stranded in the Sartorial Sahara. Not to fear. As your Style Girlfriend, I’m here to help you punch up your wardrobe and develop a knockout look. Here’s how to ensure you always look your best:

Related:  Best Cuts for Thinning Hair

1. Do a “Does It Fit"?” Audit. I’ve interviewed scores of style experts over the years, and when it comes to men at mid-life, every single one of them says the same thing: Tailoring is job one. Before you mindlessly move your fall and winter clothes back into place in your closet, try on all button-down shirts, sport jackets, pants (yes, even jeans) and suits. Look for sleeves that don’t reach your wrists or that hang down to mid-hand; shirts that pull across the chest; pants that are too loose or tight in the butt or waist; jackets that strain to close or leave you swimming inside of them. Anything that doesn’t seem exactly right needs tailoring.

2. Don’t Cut Yourself in Half. Why does Michael B. Jordan look great in a white T and black pants, but when you try to pull off the look, it reads like a golf ball balanced on a tee? Because unlike MBJ, you probably do not have 6% body fat. Any dramatic contrast between top and bottom is going to make your midsection look bigger. And if you’re on the short side, it will make you look even shorter as well. Instead,

3. Turn Down the Contrast. If you know you look your best in blues and charcoal grays, focus on building those pieces. Mix patterns and textures but keep the colors in the same family—light blue Oxford shirt, cashmere navy sweater, charcoal wool pants. This will automatically make you look both neater and slimmer. And don’t be afraid to pull a Robert Smith and go top-to-bottom black for an evening event or, if you’re actually Robert Smith, for the neighborhood kids’ birthday party.

4.  Invest in Your Everyday Look. A wise man once said, “It is better to look good every day than to look different every day.” So if you wear a blazer most days, like a post-presidential Barack Obama, then make a high-quality, well-tailored blazer your fall purchase. If you’re a casual style guy like Larry David, invest your money there. It’s called “uniform dressing.” Knowing what you’re going to wear tomorrow because it’s what you wore yesterday can save you a lot of time, money and sartorial mistakes.

—Megan Collins is the founder and editor in chief of Style Girlfriend.

Ask Jen: The X-Rated Files
“How Do I Keep My Manhood Young?’”

>Got a question about sex, marriage, dating, or whatever’s happening in your DMs? Ask Jen X! She’s blunt, crass, and mature enough to remember what “second base” meant before Tinder. Write in with your romantic dilemmas—she’ll sort it out, no judgement. (Well, maybe a little.)

Q: I’m 52, and I’m terrified of “old man penis.” You know what I mean. Is there any way to avoid it? Or are we all doomed? —Lorenzo V., Naperville, IL

A: First of all, thank you for having the courage to say what so many men secretly fear, that their once-proud joystick is slowly morphing into a soft-serve lever at a broken FroYo machine. 

Second, there’s no avoiding old man penis. Time comes for us all, and gravity is undefeated. But there are ways to age with dignity, or at least avoid looking like a deflated bike tire in tube socks.

Step 1: Moisturize. I’m serious. If you treat your face better than your junk, rethink your priorities.

Step 2: Manscape, but don’t go full toddler. Just trim the hedges so the porch doesn’t look haunted.

Step 3: Blood flow is your bestie. That means walking, lifting, less bourbon, and maybe talking to your doctor about the little blue pill before things go full Radio Shack. 

Also, remember that confidence is sexy. So is humor. So is someone who doesn’t say “my penis” like it’s a haunted artifact. Treat it like a VIP guest, not a forgotten remote in the couch cushions, and it’ll show up accordingly.

- FITNESS -

Can YOU Pass the Presidential Fitness Test?

8 ways the newly reinstated challenge emotionally scarred Generation X

By Bob Larkin

>President Trump recently announced plans to bring back the Presidential Fitness Test, that charming Cold War relic designed to sort out which American children were soft and which ones were worthy of military conscription.

If you're like most Gen Xers, this news has brought back repressed memories you can’t shake. We may be long past the age of flexed-arm hangs and shuttle runs, but the PTSD lives on. The smell of rubberized floors, the panic when someone says “the mile run is today,” and the humiliation of failing to climb a rope in front of the entire sixth grade.

Here are 8 ways the Presidential Fitness Test left an entire generation sweaty, breathless, and emotionally compromised: 

1. The Mile Run: Where Cardio and Public Shame Collided
You start fast, like an idiot. By lap two, your lungs are running on fumes. Somewhere around lap four, the gym teacher is yelling “Pick it up!” while you actively black out. All this while a kid named Josh casually laps you in Umbros and Reebok Pumps.

2. Pull-Ups: A Public Display of Upper-Body Failure
Why were we measured by our ability to do pull-ups when our daily exercise consisted of Nintendo thumb and lifting a Trapper Keeper?

3. The Shuttle Run: Agility Drills for Children Who Ate Pizza Lunchables 
Two erasers. Forty feet. All you had to do was sprint, pivot, grab, sprint again. Sounds simple, unless you’ve got undiagnosed ADHD, tight Toughskins jeans, and post-lunch milk sloshing in your guts.

4. CCurl-Ups With a Partner: Like Trust Fall, But for Abs 
You lay down, your “partner” holds your ankles, and then proceeds to screw with you by counting every fourth sit-up like this: “1… 1… 2… 2…” Meanwhile, you're wondering why it smells like Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and BO. Bonus trauma if your partner was your middle school crush.

5. The Flexed-Arm Hang: Starring Your Shaking Little Arms
Boys had to do pull-ups. Girls had to just hang there, like a bat clinging to a sad, metal cave. You’d grit your teeth, trying to look strong, while your arms quivered like cooked spaghetti and the clock ticked louder than your anxiety..

6. The Rope Climb: Gym Class or Death Trap? 
A 20-foot rope, no harness, no mat, no dignity. Climbing this thing was considered character-building, even though 90% of us just hung there like damp laundry while the gym teacher barked, “USE YOUR LEGS!” You know who used their legs? Nobody. Nobody did.

7. Skin-Fold Calipers: What If the SAT Measured Your Fat in Public? 
A stranger pinched your back fat in front of your peers and wrote it down. It was like Weight Watchers, except run by the government and performed in front of that girl who already thought you were weird.

8. “Presidential” or “National” or Just… “You Tried”?
Only the superhuman got the Presidential Fitness Patch, a patriotic badge of honor sewn onto gym shorts by a mom with a serger. The rest of us got the Participation Certificate, which basically said, “You showed up and sweated. That’s something.”

Are You Fitter than a 17-Year-Old?
Here are the average scores for a
17-year-old boy, based on the 1985 School
Population Fitness Survey:

Curl-Ups: 44 in one minute
Shuttle Run: 9.4 seconds
Sit and Reach: 34 cm
Mile Run: 7:04 (that’s minutes,
not hours)
Pull ups: 8

—Bob Larkin has written for Men’s Health, Esquire, The New York Post, and other outlets.

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