Who Is the GOAT of GOATs?

Bill Burr's Anger Management Plan, Wives Behaving Badly, AND 7 Minutes to Better Bedroom Athletics

Author

Stephen Perrine
September 23, 2025

In partnership with

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🚨 Welcome to this week’s issue of Generation Xcellent. I’m Stephen Perrine, New York Times bestselling author and former top editor at Men’s Health and Maxim. And like you, I’m doing all I can to survive the moshpit of midlife. Thanks for joining me on the journey! (And as always, our content is 100% Organic Intelligence—written by guys like us, for guys like us.)

Stephen Perrine

- SPORTS -

AJonathan Kirn / Alamy; Andrew Matthews /
Alamy; Sebastian Frej / Alamy; McClatchy-Tribune / Alamy

🏀Who Is the GOAT of GOATs?⚾️

Is Michael Jordan the greatest athlete who ever lived? Or is it Gretzky, Brady, Messi, Ali, Woods? We settle the argument once and for all.

By Bob Larkin

>You can spark a lively argument over who is the GOAT in any particular sport. But who is the GOAT of all GOATS? Who, in other words, is the greatest athlete to ever walk the earth? Is it Michael Jordan? Or Babe Ruth? Or maybe Tom Brady? And Lionel Messi, Jim Thorpe, Roger Federer, Hank Aaron, Pelé, Joe Louis, Muhammad Ali, and LeBron James haven’t even entered the chat yet.

If you go purely by stats, “you’re gonna miss some things,” says Justin Kubatko, a statistical consultant at Statitudes and creator of Basketball Reference. Bill Russell won 11 NBA championships with the Boston Celtics, “but at least at the beginning of the run (in the late ‘50s), there were only eight NBA teams.”

“A lot of times, what people are really arguing about is how their era was better,” says Johnny Smith, a professor of sports history at Georgia Tech. “That their generation represents something larger, and their generation can stake a claim on being the quote-unquote Greatest Generation.”

Greatest Athletes of the 21st Century  

  1. Michael Phelps

  2. Serena Williams

  3. Lionel Messi

  4. LeBron James

  5. Tom Brady

  6. Roger Federer

  7. Simone Biles

  8. Tiger Woods

  9. Kobe Bryant

Source: Poll of 70,000 ESPN contributors

Which is why so many of us tend to focus in on the athletes we grew up with: Jordan, Woods, Gretzky, Nolan Ryan. But Kabatko, who’s in his 60s, remembers Major League baseball players in his youth who were less than ideal physical specimens. 

“If you took a modern-day player and put him back in time, but gave him the same restrictions that those players had—without the support systems or emphasis on nutrition—are they going to hold up? When you start playing that time machine game, you have to put everybody on equal footing.”

Despite all these concessions, and the full disclosure that any nominee is going to be problematic at best… can we at least ballpark the GOAT of GOATs?

Allstar Picture Library / Alamy; The Hollywood Archive / Alamy

Smith, when pressed to narrow it down to four athletes to carve into stone on the Mt. Rushmore of GOATs, could only manage three: Jackie Robinson, Muhammad Ali, and Billie Jean King. A fourth was “just too tough,” he says. “All I can think of is who I’m leaving off.”

Kabatko narrows it down even further, to just one name. “The greatest of all time might be the greatest himself, Muhammad Ali,” he says. “Because if you take everything into account—cultural impact, size, speed—I mean, he had everything.”

Louis Moore, a sports history professor at Grand Valley State University, also leans toward Ali. “The athleticism and dedication that it takes to fight a 15-round fight against somebody is really, really hard to do,” he says. “And to do that over and over and over again for almost twenty years.” Other sports may be just as challenging, he says, “but no one’s hitting you at the same time.” 

That’s two-and-a-half out of three, which is enough to call it. The GOAT of all GOATs is Muhammad Ali.

Don’t agree? That’s why God invented the comments section. Use it. 

Now who’s buying the next round?

—Bob Larkin is a frequent contributor to The New York Post and Men's Health, among others.
🥩 HOPEFULLY THE ANSWER IS, “IN MY BELLY”

- GEN X CULTURE -

Alamy

Bill Burr’s Guide to Anger Management

Gen-X rage is a renewable resource. Here’s how to make yours burn cleaner

By Bob Larkin

> If your blood pressure jumps every time a 22-year-old barista calls you “boss,” if you’ve ever muttered “unbelievable” at a Bluetooth pairing screen, or if you hear “mindfulness” and immediately want to throw a stapler through drywall, congratulations: you’re a middle-aged man in 2025. [And probably ready for the nastiest slap-fight ever.]

We were raised on George Carlin, heavy metal, and Atari rage-quits, so of course the world feels like it’s trolling us now. The news is reality TV, your knees sound like bubble wrap, and somewhere in your brain a voice is screaming, “Why is every light bulb ‘smart’ now?”

Enter Bill Burr, patron saint of functional fury. For decades, the guy’s been turning hair-trigger irritation into something that actually resembles wisdom. He’s not Deepak Chopra. He’s the dude at the end of the bar reminding you that rage doesn’t count as cardio. Here are 6 mantras, pulled from Burr’s playbook, to make sure your inner volcano doesn’t melt the suburbs.

1. "You're going to be fine. And even if you're not going to be fine, isn't it better to think you're going to be fine?"
Catastrophizing is cardio for your brain, and you’re already winded. The truth is, most “end of the world” moments turn out to be dead car batteries and awkward emails. Panic doesn’t fix anything, it just makes you sweat through your vintage concert tee.
Do this: When panic hits, give yourself ten minutes to spiral, max. Then shut it down and do something aggressively normal—change the oil, fold laundry, or jump rope like you’re training for a ’97 bar fight.

2. “Men aren’t allowed to be sad. We’re allowed to be ‘mad’ or ‘fine.’ That’s it!” 
If your only emotional settings are “pissed” or “fine,” you’re basically a Walkman with one AA battery left. But half the time, what feels like rage is just low-blood sugar sadness in a leather jacket.
Do this: Say it out loud—“I’m bummed.” You won’t explode, you’ll just sound human for once. Then eat some actual protein instead of rage-snacking on Doritos like a divorced raccoon.

3. ”I realize that I have access to about 0.1% of the information that I need to have a truly informed opinion.”
You don’t have to be the smartest guy in the room, you just have to stop pretending you are. Nothing will send you into apoplexy faster than arguing like a talk-radio host when you know damn well you skimmed the headline.
Do this: Before you launch into a TED Talk in the group chat, start with “I could be off here, but…” Then keep it under two sentences, like a man who knows how to shut up.

4. “‘Do you wanna go to brunch on Sunday?’ ‘Nooo!!’”
Brunch is just jury duty with hollandaise. A man should jump at the opportunities that matter to him. But overpriced eggs, lukewarm mimosas, and two hours of pretending you care about someone’s “side hustle”? Hard pass.
Do this: Decline one invite this week with zero excuse. Just say, “Can’t make it.” Then take a nap like it’s 1996 and you just cracked open a brand-new CD.

5. “You know what a cubicle says? It says, ‘We don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don’t want you to look at anybody.’” 
If the job’s grinding you down until you’re yelling at a printer like it owes you money, that’s not character you’re building, it’s corrosion. Staying put out of spite doesn’t make you tough; it makes you furniture.
Do this: Take one small jailbreak step. Refresh the résumé, block a recruiter on your calendar, or spend company Wi-Fi on plotting your exit. That’s not slacking, that’s survival.

6. “When your brain is sending you bad thoughts, you can go to the gym…. or you can let those thoughts take you right down the rabbit hole.”
You can’t out-philosophize anger. Sweat resets the radio. Punch a heavy bag, walk the block, do 20 ugly pushups. Wisdom hits after your heart rate does.
Do this: Shoes on, out the door. No playlist, no step goal. Ten minutes beats perfect.

Bob Larkin writes for Men’s Health, the New York Post, and other publications..

Ask Jen: The X-Rated Files
“Help! My Wife’s Instagram Account Is too Hot!”

Shutterstock

>Got a question about sex, marriage, dating, or whatever’s happening in your DMs? Ask Jen X. She’ll sort it out, no judgement. (Well, maybe a little.)

Q: My wife has gotten very into Instagram—bikinis, gym selfies, flirty captions. I’m proud of her, but… this is making me jealous and uneasy, especially some of the comments men leave. Should I say something, or just deal? —Matt S., Saratoga, NY

A: Your feelings are normal; deputizing yourself as the Mod of Her Bod is not.

Your best position is “Biggest Fan.” Be her hype person—Flava Flav to her Chuck D, Andy Richter to her Conan. Like her images, comment all the time, tell the world how lucky you are to be married to this beauty.

But you also need to raise your concerns—in person, of course. Try something like, “You look so great. The thirsty comments make me twitchy, though. Can we set some guardrails that keep you safe and me sane?” That’s curiosity, not control. Ask for what reassures you: some loving acknowledgement of you, the occasional couples post that doesn’t look like a hostage photo. And stop doom-scrolling her replies like a mall cop at Hot Topic. Dale with the wolf emojis can howl all he wants; you’re the one she’s coming home to.

- HEALTH -

Shutterstock

7 Minutes to (Much) Better Sex

Send your bedroom baller into the end zone with this easy blood-flow-boosting, yoga-based workout routine

>The first time I brought up yoga and sex at a dinner party, the guys nearly spit out their drinks.

“C’mon, yoga for THAT?” they laughed. But yoga can improve your sex life—not in some woo-woo mystical way, but in a very down-to-earth, practical way.

Chances are you spend most of your day at a desk, in the car, or glued to a screen. That means stiff hips, sore backs, tight hamstrings, and shallow breathing. Yoga helps loosen the muscles that often become tight from sitting, improves blood flow where you need it most, and reduces stress, allowing you to relax and enjoy the moment truly.

Here are a few poses worth trying:

1. Pigeon Pose. This one stretches your hips, glutes, and lower back, which means more comfort and mobility during sex. Get on your hands and knees on the floor. Bring your right knee forward, placing it behind your hands with your right shin angled across your body. Slide your left leg back behind you, with the top of your left foot on the floor. Keep your hips squared—don’t flop off to one side. You can stay upright on your hands or fold forward onto your elbows for a deeper stretch. Breathe steadily while holding for 30 to 60 seconds, then switch sides.

2. Bridge Pose. This will strengthen your glutes and improve overall pelvic blood flow. Lie on your back with your knees bent, feet flat on the floor, hip-width apart, arms at your sides, palms down. Press your heels into the floor and squeeze your glutes as you lift your hips toward the ceiling. Keep your shoulders flat on the floor and relaxed; tuck your chin slightly. Hold this position for 30 to 60 seconds. Repeat 3 to 5 times.

3. Happy Baby. Perfect for relieving the tightness caused by sitting for too long. Lie flat on your back, bend your knees, and bring them to your chest. Grab the outsides of your feet (or your shins if that’s easier) and gently pull your knees wider than your torso; try to get them as close to the floor as you can. Keep you head, neck and shoulders relaxed as you hold this position for 30 to 60 seconds, rocking gently side to side if you like.

4. Cat-Cow Stretch. This move improves blood flow to your lower back, improves flexibility, and helps your whole body move more smoothly. Start on all fours with your hands directly under your shoulders, knees under your hips. Inhale as you arch your back, dropping your belly down and lifting your chest and shoulders. (This is the “cow.”) Now exhale as you round your spine, lifting your back up toward the ceiling and dropping your chest and shoulders. (The is the “cat.”) Do 6 to 8 slow cycles.

Emergency Lovemaking Intervention: Let’s say you’re in a bar and Winona Ryder is there and you buy her a drink and she mentions how much you remind her of her first love and the next thing you know you’re in her hotel suite and she steps into the dressing room to “put on something more comfortable” and Oh my God.

Don’t panic: Yoga can help. Sit comfortably with one hand on your chest, the other on your belly. Inhale slowly through your nose, sending the breath into your belly (you should feel it expand below your hand). Slowly exhale through your mouth, feeling the breath leave your belly as it flattens out. This deep-breathing exercise will calm your nerves and bring you into the moment. Winona will thank you.

—Gwen Lawrence has served as the yoga coach for the New York Giants and New York Knicks. She is the former cohost of  The Better Man Show and the author of Self Care Is Essential. 
🕹 IN CASE YOU NEED ANOTHER PIECE OF USELESS JUNK

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