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Ozzy Osbourne's 13 Rules of Living Your Best Life
Build Muscle Fast & Easy, PLUS: Horror Films that Scarred Gen X for Life
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🚨 Welcome to this Special Halloween Edition of Generation Xcellent. I’m Stephen Perrine, New York Times bestselling author and former top editor at Men’s Health and Maxim. And like you, I’m doing all I can to survive the moshpit of midlife. Thanks for joining me on the journey! (And as always, our content is 100% Organic Intelligence—written by guys like us, for guys like us.)

Stephen Perrine
- MASCULINITY -

Ozzy Osbourne, at home two weeks after the birth of his baby boy Jack in November 1985.
13 Essential Lessons from One Very Bizarre Life
He may have been the Prince of Darkness, but Ozzy Osbourne left us with some pretty bright ideas.
By Bob Larkin
>Every self-respecting Gen Xer remembers the first time he heard an Ozzy Osbourne album. The man sounded legitimately scary, but also weirdly goofy, like Dracula with a head injury. [Also messing with our heads: Kim Kardashian’s barely-there Halloween costume.]
Our parents were horrified. They thought Ozzy’s music would summon demons, inspire teen suicides, or at the very least make us flunk Algebra. Joke’s on them: Ozzy finished his run as a cuddly reality star, as scary as a plastic pumpkin filled with Twix. And damned if he didn’t leave behind a few pearls of wisdom.
1. When people think you’re weird, get weirder. Ozzy grew up an outcast, but he used rejection to fuel his ascent. He didn’t tone it down; he turned it up to 11 and added reverb.
2. Make sure you freak out the right folks. Ozzy didn’t scare us, but he scared the bejesus out of parents, teachers, and televangelists. And if they were afraid, he was probably onto something.
3. Be heavy, but also, be light. “I always felt shitty and intimidated by everyone,” Ozzy told Esquire in 2005. “So my whole thing was to act crazy and make people laugh.” Gore and goofiness aren’t mutually exclusive. Just ask Beetlejuice.
4. Energy and commitment win the day. Ozzy didn’t sing “well,” he sang hard. He slurred, shrieked, and sometimes forgot the lyrics, but you never forgot the voice. People won’t remember your salary or your job title, but they’ll remember your vibe.
5. Marry a woman who can handle your shit. “I was a raving drug addict and alcoholic and about as much good as an ashtray on a motorbike.” If he hadn’t found Sharon, Ozzy’s crazy train would almost certainly have gone off the rails decades ago. Find someone who loves you and knows where your passport is.
6. Be open-minded about protein sources. Biting the head off a bat is a true commitment to high-protein snacking. Don’t be afraid to go paleo. Or ptero-paleo.
7. Make “yes” your standard answer. Snort ants? Sure, why not. Reality show? Sounds fun. Collaborate with Post Malone? Who the hell is that? Spontaneity leads to great stories, and occasional rabies shots.
8. Black clothes hide a multitude of sins. Coffee stain? Hangover face? Existential crisis? Just put on more black. A monotone outfit makes a man look slimmer. Also, an enormous crucifix really pulls the eye away from one’s expanding belly.
9. To succeed, embrace failing. Kicked out of Sabbath, Ozzy reinvented himself as a solo god. On death’s door from drugs, Ozzy reinvented himself as a sober(ish) family man. It’s never too late to reboot.
10. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Nobody knew what the hell Ozzy was saying offstage (and sometimes onstage), but he said it with conviction, and that’s what sold us.
11. Accept that past mistakes served a purpose. “Sure, I have got f**king regrets. But if I didn’t have my life the way it’s been…I’d be f**king with the Big Guy in the Sky.”
12. You don’t own your kids’ mistakes. Or your dad’s. “I tried to do with my son what my dad couldn’t do with me and teach him some things. He still ended up doing drugs.” Later, Jack and Ozzy attended 12-step meetings as a team.
13. Make a timely exit. The man spent his career singing about what happens after death, so it makes sense he planned a perfect getaway—a giant farewell concert, followed by a quick exit. (And be honest: There’s a part of you that’s not convinced he’s really dead, isn’t there?)
—Bob Larkin has written for Men’s Health, Esquire, The New York Post, and other outlets.
🎃 YOU WON’T BELIEVE NICKI MINAJ AT #15
- GEN X CULTURE -

Alamy
Horror Film Moments that Scared Us (and Scarred Us) for Life!
The movie clips we saw too young, remembered too vividly, and still won’t watch with the lights off.
By Bob Larkin
> Gen-Xers were latchkey kids with VCRs, older cousins, and zero parental content filters. We learned math from “Schoolhouse Rock” and were traumatized by the forbidden, R-rated horror films we snuck a look at during HBO free-preview weekends. We weren’t ready, but we watched anyway. Here are 11 specific scenes that made us sleep with the lights on, Walkman blaring, clutching a Garfield Trapper Keeper like a riot shield.
1. Salem’s Lot (1979) — The Window Scratch
That foggy window, the dead kid floating like a Macy’s balloon, fingernails creepily scratching the glass: It was pure bedtime sabotage. And on network TV no less! Every Gen Xer slept with the blinds welded shut, half expecting a pale best friend to drift by and ask to be let in.
2. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) — The Meathook Drop
Leatherface snatches Pam and thunk, impales her on a meathook, squealing, helpless, while he revs his chainsaw like a demonic Weed Eater. After that, every rural gas station felt like a trap, and S-shaped hooks became red flags with gravity.
3. Jaws (1975) — Ben Gardner’s Head
Hooper night-dives to inspect Ben Gardner’s wrecked skiff. As he pries loose a great white’s tooth, Gardner’s water-logged head pops out of the hole like a marine jack-in-the-box. We yelped, spilled popcorn, and boycotted bathtubs, pools, and dark laundry rooms.
4. Poltergeist (1982) — The Clown Doll
Robbie eyes the ghastly clown at his bed’s foot, then forces himself to roll over like a brave eight-year-old liar. Thunder rolls, and he hears a creak. He looks and the chair is empty. You know the rest. After Poltergeist, every toy with a smile went to Goodwill. We slept burrito-wrapped with our feet tucked, because ankles are clown handles.
5. The Exorcist Extended Version (2000) — The Spider-Walk
Even in the most terrifying film ever made, this scene was deemed too shocking for its 1973 release. But by the time Gen X had its own supply of spending money and popcorn, Hollywood thought, what the hell. Regan’s arched backward spider-walk is still among the most disturbing things we’ve seen—and we lived through The Jersey Shore. 
6. Friday the 13th (1980) — The Lake Hand
Alice climbs into a canoe and drifts to the center of Crystal Lake, hollow-eyed and spent. The nightmare’s over, she tells herself. And then a decomposed Jason erupts from the water and yanks her down like a hooked fish. Maybe it’s a dream, maybe it’s sequel bait; either way, we never trusted another movie ending ever again.
7. The Day After (1983) — The Flash and the Bones
Mushroom clouds bloom; the screen whites out; cars freeze into black cutouts on a highway, fossils-in-progress. Then the forty seconds that scarred Gen X: people flash to skeletons and vanish. The effects look hokey now, but the screams as bodies vaporize are timelessly awful. Eight-year-old us didn’t sleep; 50-something us still hears the boom.
8. Gremlins (1984) — The Chimney Story
Just two years after Fast Times, we were ready to spend any amount of money just to watch Phoebe Cates read the phone book. Instead, she drops the bleakest holiday monologue ever: Ho-ho-holy therapy.
9. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) — The Bathtub Glove
Nancy nods off in a bubble bath, knees up, and then Freddy’s razored glove rises between her legs like a pervy periscope. She’s yanked under into a black, impossible abyss while Mom bangs on the door. Puberty just got weaponized.
10. The Shining (1980) — The Hallway Twins
Danny pedals his Big Wheel through the hollow Overlook, the wheels thwapping from carpet to tile. He turns a corner and sees two identical girls. “Come play with us,” they implore him. “Forever and ever.” He sees quick flashes of their murder: blood-splashed walls and hacked bodies. Danny’s petrified face became the Gen-X default setting whenever this scene pops back into memory.
11. Scream (1996) — The Opening Call
Every movie on this list leads up to this one: A Gen X horror film about Gen X horror films. Ghostface toys with Casey Becker, then chases her across the yard while her parents pull into the driveway. Then, the gut-punch reveal: Drew Barrymore, America’s sweetheart, the E.T. kid, gutted and hanging before the opening credits. Star power no longer meant anything. The rules of the horror game died with her.
Bob Larkin writes for Men’s Health, the New York Post, and other publications.
Ask Jen: The X-Rated Files
“How Do I Handle a Woman Who Ghosts Me?” 

Shutterstock
>Got a question about sex, marriage, dating, or whatever’s happening in your DMs? Ask Jen X. She’ll sort it out, no judgement. (Well, maybe a little.)
Q: How should I handle it when a woman ghosts me? At what point do I stop checking in to see if she’s been eaten by wolves? — “Fool in the Rain,” Columbus, OH
A: The general rule: You get two texts, max. After that, it’s time to retire the jersey.
First text: A light nudge after a reasonable beat: 24 to 48 hours if you already had plans, a few days if it was just early chatter. “Hey, haven’t heard back. If you’re not feeling it, all good.” Then wait. If it’s still tumbleweeds, send a single sign-off text a few days later: “Gonna assume timing’s not right. Wishing you well.” That’s it. Archive, don’t autopsy. You’re a Gen Xer, not a push notification.
- FITNESS -

Tumbler.com
Essential Exercises for a Stronger Skeleton
Muscle mass comes from bone mass. Here’s how to build both at any age.
By Jeff Stevenson
>Sometime in your 30s, right around that point where you were certain Y2K was going to destroy humanity, something started happening deep in your bones.
You started losing bone density, about 1 percent of your overall bone tissue each year. That’s bad: A 2022 study found that muscle mass follows bone density—as you lose bone, you lose the muscle that lives alongside it.
Bottom line: Your skeleton needs a workout, too
Fortunately, any movement that involves fighting against gravity is good for both muscle and bone, says Pamela Peeke, MD, founder of the Peeke Performance Center for Healthy Living in Bethesda, MD. As you build muscle, that muscle pulls against your skeleton—which helps keep the skeleton strong. Here are the moves that maximize your muscle mass—with bonus bennies for your bones.
1. Stomp! Bones are stimulated to grow when they’re jolted—something that doesn’t happen all that much when you’re walking the dog. Running and most sports will fit the bill, but as winter approaches, that’s not always easy. Consider adding some stomps into your stroll: Every 10 steps or so, stomp your foot like your high school bully’s face is painted on the sidewalk.
Muscle mass follows bone density: As you lose bone, you lose the muscle that lives alongside it.
2. Climb! Stair climbing forces your body to resist gravity as you climb, while building stronger leg and hip muscles. Always take the stairs, and make the climber your go-to winter cardio choice.
3. Squat! Squats hit nearly every muscle in your body—and nearly every bone, as well. For a perfect back squat, stand with your feet hip-width apart, a barbell balanced across your shoulders. Squat down as far as you can, ideally getting your butt just below the level of your knees. At the bottom of the movement, tighten your butt muscles and use them to push up to return to the starting position.
4. Push! Simple pushups help build muscle and bone throughout your chest and ribcage. But most guys do them incorrectly. For perfect form: Start in a high plank position with your hands directly below your shoulders. Squeeze your shoulders, glutes and core to create full-body tension. Bend your elbows to descend to the floor, stopping with your chest just above the floor. Your elbows should be at a 45-degree angle. Now press back up, all the way until your elbows are fully extended.
5. Lift! Stand with your feet hip-width apart. Shift your weight onto your right foot, then straighten out your left leg and lift it straight out in front of you until your left foot is about 6 inches off the floor. Hold for a beat, then return. Do 8 to 10 reps, then switch legs. As this becomes easier (and your balance improves), try adding ankle weights.
—Jeff Stevenson has written for Men’s Health, Maxim, and other classic men’s magazines.
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